A teenager is questioning whether he did something unforgivable after choosing to leave his mother’s crowded home — even though he says he was being turned into a third parent.
His story starts years earlier, with a loss that permanently split his life in two.
Eight years ago, his older sister died.
Soon after, his parents’ marriage collapsed. Arguments followed, lawyers got involved, and eventually the court settled on a simple arrangement: one week with Mom, one week with Dad.
On paper, it sounded fair.
Emotionally, it never felt simple.
While he was still trying to understand how his sister could be gone, his family changed again.
A new marriage, new rules, new expectations
Five years after the divorce, his mom remarried.
Her new husband came with two very young children. Then the couple welcomed two more together.
The quiet grief-filled house he remembered slowly turned into something else entirely — louder, busier, and increasingly demanding.
But what hurt most wasn’t the noise.
It was the pressure.
His mom insisted he stop calling them half-siblings or step-siblings.
They were just brothers and sisters.
No distinctions allowed.
She wanted him to call her husband Dad.
He refused.
To him, he already had a dad. And he already had a sister he missed every single day.
The role he never applied for
As the family grew, so did the expectations.
“She told me to take care of them like my sister took care of me,” he explained.
He didn’t hate the kids.
He didn’t blame them.
He stayed kind.
But he also never formed the bond his mom hoped for.
He felt like he was being asked to emotionally replace people who couldn’t be replaced.
And then, earlier this year, everything intensified.
More kids arrived — and so did a breaking point
In February, his stepfather’s ex passed away.
More children moved into the home.
Suddenly, space disappeared. Privacy disappeared. And responsibility multiplied overnight.
He would now share a room with several kids.
He was expected to:
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walk them to school
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help with homework
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take them to after-school activities
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babysit regularly
Hiring help, he was told, simply wasn’t affordable.
His mom framed it as stepping up.
He experienced it as being drafted.
So he made a choice
At 16, the custody agreement allowed him to decide where he lived.
He asked his dad if he could come full time.
His dad said yes.
Legally, it took almost nothing to change.
Emotionally, it detonated everything.
Now he speaks to his mother by phone twice a week — and the calls are heavy.
She tells him she’s disappointed.
She says he abandoned his siblings.
She says family comes together during crises.
She says that if she could move forward after losing a daughter, he should be able to as well.
The teen says he’s simply exhausted from being pushed into a life he never wanted.
“I don’t want to help raise all those kids,” he told her.
She corrects him every time he says it.
They’re your brothers and sisters.
He still can’t say it back.
💬 Reader reactions poured in fast.
Many people felt the teen had been forced into something far beyond normal sibling responsibility.
Comment
by u/Top-Type1839 from discussion
in AITAH
The word kept coming up again and again: parentification — when a child is pressured to take on adult duties.
And some commenters believed the situation had been building for years.
Comment
by u/Top-Type1839 from discussion
in AITAH
Others thought something deeper might be happening emotionally.
Comment
by u/Top-Type1839 from discussion
in AITAH
Another reader described grief like shattered pottery — something that can be rebuilt, but never exactly the same.
Comment
by u/Top-Type1839 from discussion
in AITAH
But from the mother’s point of view…
She believes her son ran away exactly when the family needed unity the most.
She worries the younger children will barely know their older brother.
And every call becomes another attempt to convince him he made the wrong decision.
Meanwhile, he’s trying to redirect conversations to anything else.
Anything that doesn’t end in guilt.
The teen says he’s not trying to hurt anyone
He just wants a childhood that doesn’t feel like a job description.
He says he didn’t choose the new marriages, the new siblings, or the sudden expansion of the household.
And he doesn’t believe refusing to parent them makes him a bad person.
The internet had thoughts about that too.
Comment
by u/Top-Type1839 from discussion
in AITAH
Now he’s left wondering
Did he protect himself?
Or did he walk away from people who needed him?
His mother says he betrayed the family.
Most readers say he finally set a boundary.
What do you think?
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